What are helpful ways to deal with a grieving friend? select all that apply.
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who's been bereaved. Maybe it's stopping you from getting in touch in case something you say makes things worse? But your support could really help – people who are grieving often tell us that the worst thing someone can say, is to say nothing. And contact from family and friends can help a person who is grieving feel supported and loved. Show
On this page: Film: How can I help someone with grief? How to help someone who is grieving Let the grieving person express their emotions Be specific when you offer to help Be patient − there is no timescale for grief Be prepared to get it wrong sometimes Suggest an activity or call them at the times they may find hardest Getting support Film: How does grief feel? Useful websites How can I help someone with grief? Tina, Dan, Tasneem and Ella share their experiences of how family and friends supported them when they were grieving, including helpful things they said or did. If you’re supporting someone, you might find some of their ideas useful. How to help someone who is grievingEveryone experiences grief differently. You may want to first look at our page that talks about some of the feelings they may be going through. Read more about how people feel when they are grieving. Here are some things to think about when you do get in touch with a grieving friend, or member of your family. Getting in touch
Tips on what to say
Try to be a good listener
Keeping in touch
Some people may not want to talk about their grief at all. Sometimes just having you in the same room and sitting together quietly can be reassuring. We have more information on how to talk to someone who has been bereaved as part of our support for bereavement at work. Let the grieving person express their emotionsIf you can, try to let the bereaved person feel like they are in a safe place and can express how they're feeling without being judged. Their emotions may range from sadness to more unexpected emotions like anger. Respect how they feel. If they say they're relieved that the person has died, do not argue against that and insist they must be sad. Being able to express emotions is a very important part of the grieving process, but try not to force someone to talk, or share, if that's not what they want to do. They may want to talk later, or they may express their emotions in other ways. For example, by writing their feelings down, or by seeing a therapist, or through painting, or gardening, or through having time to think through their feelings when going for a walk, or a run. Victoria So, try to take the lead from them and let them talk if they want to. It's also best not to ask lots of questions in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable, or as though you are trying to fix their grief for them. Sometimes people change quickly between grieving and getting on with their lives, so try not to be surprised by this. One moment they may be upset and want to talk about the person who has died and then the next moment they've changed the subject and want to talk about something ordinary, like what's going on at work or something on TV. Just let them talk when they want to and keep anything that they share private unless they've said that you can tell others. Read our blog 11 things I've learned about supporting people with grief and loss. Be specific when you offer to helpSpecific offers of help are often more useful than general ones. Maybe you could offer to cook meals, or pick up shopping or help with some of the practical tasks that people need to do after a bereavement? But if you're not sure how to help, then ask them what you can do. It may be difficult for a grieving person to ask for help when they're already feeling vulnerable. So, let them know you're there and that you want to help − and try to pick up on any changes of mood. Be patient – there is no timescale for griefIn the first days and weeks after the death, a bereaved person often has lots of practical things they need to do. It's also when family and friends are most likely to be around supporting them. However, there's no time limit on grieving and your friend or family member might need support, and to talk about their feelings, for many months or years to come. Remembering important dates or anniversariesYou may want to keep a note of any dates or anniversaries that could be particularly difficult for the person who is grieving, so you can get in touch with them at these times. If you're worried about upsetting them again by doing this, remember that they'll already know about this date, or anniversary. You cannot stop them from feeling upset so hearing from you, or others, will not make it worse. If anything, it will be help them to know that you have remembered and that you're thinking about them – and about the person who died, also. Be prepared to get it wrong sometimesHowever hard you try to support someone who is grieving, you may sometimes say or do something that upsets them. If you know that they're upset because of something you said or did, then it's probably best just to say you're sorry. The way they have reacted could be more to do with their grief, than anything you've done, so try not to take it personally. The reality is that bereaved people experience lots of difficult emotions which can sometimes make it hard to be around them. Try not to take any anger personally and give them space. Suggest an activity or call them at the times they may find hardestThere may be times of the day, or days of the week, that they find more difficult than others. If they're working during the week, then it might be that weekends are the loneliest time for them. Often people whose long-term partner has died, find the evenings most difficult because it can be then that they really notice the loss of a companion. If you know when the grieving person may be finding it most difficult or lonely, then you could suggest doing something different with them at this time. For example, a walk at the weekend, or a film together in the evening, or just calling in the evening for a catch-up. You may also want to suggest doing things which help them to talk about and remember the person who has died – like looking through old photos or visiting places that were special to them. If they want to do this, then this could be very helpful for them while they are grieving their loss. Getting supportNo one should have to go through the grieving process alone. There are lots of ways for a person who has been bereaved to find support, whether they prefer to talk to someone in person or to join an online community. You may want to suggest to the person who has been bereaved that they contact the free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 so that they can speak to someone about their feelings. We also have trained bereavement support volunteers who can offer up to six sessions of support in the form of a weekly phone call. You can read more about our Telephone Bereavement Support or contact the Marie Curie Support Line. You can also call the free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 if you want to share any concerns you have about supporting the person who has been bereaved. How does grief feel? Tina, Dan, Tasneem and Ella share their experiences of grief. They talk about feelings of shock, anger, anxiety and loneliness. You might find that there are some things you can relate to. But you might find that your experience is different – and that’s OK too. Useful websitesBereavement Advice Centre Cruse Bereavement Care – Has someone died? Restoring hope (PDF) Cruse Bereavement Support Cruse Scotland Good life, good death, good grief (Scotland) back to top Did you find this page useful?Your feedback will help us improve our information and support resources.
What were you looking for today? Was this page useful? Please tell us why What difference (if any) has this information made to you? (optional) What other information would help you? (optional) You are If other please specify (optional) Which country do you live in? We'll use the results of this survey to understand how our information helps people and how we can improve it. See our full privacy policy. Refresh captcha Word verification About this informationThis information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used. What are helpful ways to deal with a grieving friend?The Do's. Check in on them. Make an effort to check in with your friend, even if it is a quick phone call, a card or an invitation to grab a coffee together. ... . Understand the grieving process. ... . Listen more, talk less. ... . Let them cry. ... . Ask questions. ... . Offer practical help. ... . Be willing to sit in silence. ... . Remember important dates.. What are 3 ways to deal with grief?Here are five ideas that might help you cope when someone you love has died:. Join in rituals. Memorial services and funerals are times to gather. ... . Accept your emotions. Don't stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on. ... . Talk about it when you can. ... . Preserve memories. ... . Get the support you need.. What are five ways to support a grieving person?5 ways to support a grieving friend or relative. Talk about it. It is normal to feel scared about making things more difficult or painful. ... . Make promises that you can keep. ... . Stay in touch. ... . Remember that everyone experiences grief differently. ... . Give them time.. |